Remember Me
by Eramaeni
Summary: Ten years after their break up, Tamaki and Kaoru see each other in a grocery store. Tamaki is eager to get back together, but he soon finds that it'll be harder than he thought. TamakixKaoru, KyoyaxKaoru, some OCxKaoru. M for language, lemons, and rape/abuse.
1. I Never Stopped Loving You

**Please note that as of 04 March 2015 Chapters One through Six have all been rewritten. There aren't any plot changes per se, but there have been edits. ****_Chapter Seven is brand new._**

**I do not own Ouran.**

* * *

><p><strong>Remember Me<strong>

**Chapter One — I Never Stopped Loving You**

For once, Tamaki found himself at the grocery store instead of at a restaurant or ordering take out. It was a rare occasion when he had both the time and will to cook a meal for himself—not that he was, or ever had been, much of a cook. He turned down the next aisle absently, thinking more about what he wanted to make than where he was going. For years, it had been the same. Going through the motions of life without ever really living. It was an unfortunate truth, but nothing had ever felt the same since Kaoru had left. Sure, he'd tried to move on, but it didn't seem possible. He'd even gone so far as to hallucinate the redhead on that very night, in that very aisle of the store.

Wait—hallucinating in public places was something that he had never done before. But there, clear as day, was...Kaoru. Tamaki blinked, not believing his eyes. It couldn't be, no...but it _had_ to be. Surely the cosmos wouldn't play such a prank. He felt the sweat gathering on the handle of the shopping basket he held in his hand, just standing in the aisle staring at the man. A woman further down peered at him curiously from behind the box she held. He refocused his gazed on the petite man examining packages of crackers. Tamaki willed himself to say something as he watched the redhead bite his lower lip in thought and shift his weight onto his right foot, causing his left hip to jut out slightly. These actions left no doubt in his mind; this was him.

"Kaoru?" Tamaki said finally, hesitantly.

The redhead turned with an eyebrow raised. "T-Tamaki?" he gasped. For a moment, his mouth stood agape before it stretched into a brilliant smile. Tamaki couldn't help but to look him up and down, still in disbelief. Kaoru, in the flesh. Kaoru, standing there innocently and beautiful, wearing a red short-sleeved shirt underneath a white vest, blue capris, and white tennis shoes. Even the black canvas bag that hung over his shoulder was beautiful. "Tamaki, wow," Kaoru said after a pause, "how long has it been?"

_Too long,_ Tamaki thought, but his answer was, "Nearly ten years, I think." He averted his eyes nervously, remembering the last time he had seen Kaoru.

"_I understand. It's all right." Kaoru said, standing up calmly. "I knew this day would come."_

"_Kaoru," Tamaki started, but he couldn't find the words to say. He just watched as Kaoru slipped his clothing back on and pulled his suitcase out of the closet. There was no anger in his actions, no sadness in his words. His voice nor his hands trembled as Tamaki had envisioned. Frankly, it sucked. As much as he wanted to avoid a row or a fit of crying, he didn't expect this...apathetic act. He knew that Kaoru was _not_, in fact unaffected by this, and to act like he was was insulting. It made Tamaki's heart hurt. But all he could do was lay back in bed, so as to not watch his lover pack up his things._

"Tamaki? Tamaki. Hello?" Tamaki blinked the memories away and grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry, Kaoru." Kaoru's sweet smiled settled back onto his face. Tamaki's heart skipped a beat.

"That's all right. I was just asking what you were up to. If maybe you...wanted to catch up."

Tamaki grinned. "Of course. Would you like to come over?"

Kaoru nodded. "That sounds great. My plans for tonight were just to buy a bottle of wine, drink it all, and fall asleep in my hotel room," he chucked, looking at the white-tiled floor. Tamaki noticed the light pink blush that had fallen onto Kaoru's cheeks and couldn't help blushing himself. _You've always been so beautiful,_ he thought.

"We could do that if you want," Tamaki chuckled, scratching the back of his head nervously. "I came to buy something to make for dinner," he said, gesturing to the basket. "I was thinking fish, but, maybe you have a suggestion?"

Kaoru shook his head. "Fish sounds great. Anything sounds great."

* * *

><p>Tamaki couldn't help but to smile as Kaoru's laugh filled the room, bringing warmth to the cold, lonely flat. His golden eyes sparkled as he looked back at Tamaki, his head resting in his left hand. Kaoru sighed, smiling. "You haven't changed. Not one bit." He paused to admire Tamaki's face, then reached out for his wine glass.<p>

"I hope that's a good thing," Tamaki joked, moving to refill Kaoru's glass.

"Of course. You're still the man I fell in love with." Tamaki's hand trembled, nearly spilling wine onto the white tablecloth. Kaoru giggled at the slip up, obviously becoming drunk. "Everything is just as it was when I left. Your haircut, your wardrobe, your face... The furniture hasn't moved an inch. You haven't even taken down the pictures."

Tamaki blushed. "I've been busy. I didn't want to. I'm barely here anymore. It would be useless to put work into a place I only sleep in. In fact," he said, standing up to start clearing the table, "this is the first time I've cooked in three months. And I haven't had a guest for longer. This...feels nice. It feels like home again."

"You've missed me, huh?" Kaoru giggled again. "You didn't want to change anything. You didn't want to forget me."

"If you'll make me admit it, then yes. That's exactly it," Tamaki said, his blush growing.

"You know, I've never stopped loving you."

* * *

><p>"You're wearing my clothes," Kaoru said simply.<p>

"Huh?" Tamaki grunted groggily. He rolled over to see the clock, but the sleep blurred his eyes, and he honestly didn't have the energy to do anything about it.

"I said," Kaoru smiled, turning toward the blond, "you have been wearing my clothing." He continued to rifle through the articles that hung neatly in the closet. "Well, not this. Or this. Oh, Tamaki, why would you ever wear this? And this has my name on the tag but it's fake. I hope you didn't pay full price."

Tamaki lay back in his bed, rubbing his eyes and struggling to understand the other man. "Um, good morning," he finally settled on saying.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Kaoru chuckled. It was not the same light-hearted sound from the night before. "Let's go get dressed and have breakfast. I know this fantastic little place right by—"

"You're naked!"

Kaoru turned back toward the blond and nodded. "Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing. Now, should we—"

"Why are you naked?" Tamaki exclaimed. "Am I naked, too?" He lifted up the bedsheets to find that his own body was also devoid of clothing.

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "It's not like we've never had sex before. Now, let's have breakfast." He walked over to the bed, setting some clothes in front of Tamaki. "You should wear this. I mean, if you really don't want to, then don't. But I think you'll look handsome." He sauntered off toward the bathroom, leaving Tamaki dumbfounded on the bed.

"We had sex?"

* * *

><p>"So, Kaoru," Tamaki started nervously as he watched the redhead spread jam onto bread.<p>

"Tamaki," Kaoru said sweetly, "please don't get all riled up about this. We don't have to make this into a big thing. We can even forget about it, if you'd like." He took a bite about of his toast. "Do you like the outfit I put together for you?"

"Actually, yes; I never would have thought of pairing—oh, wait. No, I don't want to forget about it, Kaoru. I—I still love you." A mix of feelings bubbled up within him. "I just—I just don't know where to go from here."

"Well, did you have something in mind?" Kaoru responded impatiently. "Because I have a meeting to go to in three hours." He paused to take another bite out of the toast and chewed thoughtfully. "And then I'm back on a plane. So unless you can think of something to keep me here, I'm going home after hopefully making a deal with some new retailers."

Tamaki frowned. _How can he say all of that so nonchalantly? Sitting there eating like there isn't anything wrong. Sipping juice without a care in the world._ "Look, isn't loving me enough? Why do I have to force you to stay? I just want to love you; I just want this to be easy."

"Easy?" Kaoru's eyes narrowed as he slammed his cup back down onto the table. "Love isn't easy. People aren't easy. Relationships and happiness and having careers are not easy. If you want to love me, you have to love my job and my flaws and working hard. If you want easy, let's meet up Brokeback Mountain style and fuck once a month. If you want easy, we'll end up hating each other and ruining whatever is even left of...this. You can pick whichever one you want and I'll bite, but you can't have both. You can't have me _and_ easy. You can only have easy and sex. Is that what you want? Is that what you really want?"

"Kaoru, I—lower your voice, please." Tamaki blushed faintly from embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just...I don't know what you want from me."

"I—Tamaki." Kaoru sighed harshly. "I'm really trying, but I'm running out of patience. Being away from you hasn't been good for me. I've changed. And I don't know if you'll love the person you left behind, this person I've turned into. But I want to try. And you have to want to try to. No, not want to. You must. We should get married."

"Kaoru, you're being ridiculous."

"Am I? Are you willing to be with me? In front of your family and everyone in the company? Because I won't have my heart go through that again." Tamaki looked back at him sheepishly, and Kaoru knew in that moment that really, nothing had changed. Not his face, not his haircut, and not his attitude. Kaoru shook his head in disbelief. "Either you're ready to tell them you're not marrying a woman or you're ready to live your lie and sleep with me on the side. Just know that I won't be there for you when someone else has the courage to fight for me."


	2. Next Time I'm in France

**Please note that as of 04 March 2015 Chapters One through Six have all been rewritten. There aren't any plot changes per se, but there have been edits. _Chapter Seven is brand new._**

**I do not own Ouran.**

* * *

><p><strong>Remember Me <strong>

**Chapter Two — Next Time I'm in France**

"How was the meeting?" said the voice over the phone flatly.

"Fantastic. They ordered even more than we offered," Kaoru replied, checking his watch.

"Is that because you offered them a discount?"

Kaoru grimaced, imagining the face his lover was making. "Well, technically, but the amount—"

"Kaoru," Kyoya growled, "how many times have I told you not to offer deals without consulting me first; we're in this for profit!"

Kaoru rolled his eyes, "but I did the math!"

"And we both know how that ended up last time." There was a pause, and Kaoru briefly wondered, as he always did, why he put up with it. "Look, just come home. We'll talk about fixing this later. I have to go."

"I love—" Kaoru started to say, but he was met with a dial tone. "You," he finished, disappointed, closing his phone and putting it back into his pocket. "I have to stop wasting my time with people who don't care," he muttered.

"What?" Tamaki said, approaching with a coffee for himself and a green tea for Kaoru.

"Nothing," Kaoru replied, taking his cup from Tamaki. "Thank you."

Tamaki nodded. "Look, I...I know you wanted a decision. But I just don't have one. I don't want to just call you up for a fuck when I'm feeling horny, but I'm really not ready to come out. I just...isn't there some sort of compromise we could get to? I mean..."

Kaoru watched Tamaki and sipped his tea, then replied simply: "Call me when you make a decision. I'll see you next time I'm in France."

Tamaki watched, dumbfounded, as Kaoru walked away, his suitcase rolling behind him.

* * *

><p>"How was your flight?" Kyoya asked, not looking up from his newspaper.<p>

"Fine." Kaoru slipped off his shoes in the entryway and continued through the sliding door into the house, closing it behind himself.

"You slept through it, didn't you? After I told you it would ruin your sleep schedule." Still, he didn't look up from his reading.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, retorting playfully, "Afraid I'll keep you up at night?"

"No, I just don't have the time to make you tired."

"I'm taking that as a compliment on my stamina." Kaoru sat beside Kyoya on the couch.

"You should," Kyoya replied, finally folding up his paper and looking over at Kaoru.

"I was beginning to think you didn't want me anymore." Kaoru put his arms around Kyoya's neck and pulled himself onto his lap. "Maybe I'll be tired by tonight if we start now."

Kyoya smiled and put his arms around Kaoru's waist, pulling him close. "You'd love that kind of distraction, wouldn't you? So then we wouldn't have to talk about how you pulled that deal I didn't authorize."

"Oh, come now," Kaoru purred, running his hands through Kyoya's hair. "Don't ruin it. We can deal with that later." He kissed his neck and sucked on the pale skin gently.

"Hello? Oh, sorry! I didn't know that I was interrupting." The boys looked up from the couch.

"Hello, Nadine," they both said, Kaoru's voice distinctly brighter than Kyoya's.

"Hello, boys." She was tall and voluptuous, with smooth, dark skin and thick, long, brown wavy hair that reached just past her buttocks. "Kaoru, how was your trip, my dear?"

"Would have been better with you, darling," he smiled. Nadine being Kyoya's wife was one of the nice things about whatever sort of relationship this was. He could always count on her to be his friend. "That dress is looking worn; please let me give you something new."

Nadine giggled. "Maybe you could dress me later, Kaoru. But right now, I have to dress myself, for a certain _dinner party_ that my husband is supposed to be attending with me. Or was he suddenly called into work?"

Kyoya sighed. "I can be ready by seven." He nudged Kaoru off of his lap, who pouted and slumped back into the couch.

"Fantastic. I'll get ready, then." She turned back up the stairs, Kyoya trailing aways behind her.

"Nadine," Kaoru called out, "you should really wear the turquoise mermaid dress!" She giggled again in response.

"Kaoru," Kyoya said quite seriously, pausing on the staircase. "We aren't done."

Kaoru picked up the abandoned newspaper to keep his hands from shaking. "Well, _you_ are." He knew he was walking a fine line, talking back to the Shadow King himself like this. "Let me know when you get back from the party. Maybe we can spend some more time not sleeping together."

* * *

><p>"What are you doing?" Kyoya said flatly.<p>

"Trying to sleep, I guess," Kaoru replied, his words muffled by the pillow his face was pressed against.

"I told you it wouldn't work," Kyoya sighed tiredly, turning on the light and loosening his tie. "I think we have some business to attend to, though."

Kaoru rolled over to face the other man. "Fuck me," he said, spreading his arms and legs out across the bed with a lazy smile.

Kyoya sat down on the bed. "I'm surprised you're not already satisfied."

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Kaoru asked genuinely, rolling again to his side and propping himself up on his elbow. He put his hand on Kyoya's thigh with a devilish smile. "If you didn't want me to use toys on myself, you shouldn't have bought me them."

It was obvious that Kyoya was in no mood for messing around. "Well, I'm wondering if maybe you think I'll be happy with this because we haven't slept together in a while, and you could tell I was getting frustrated. Or if maybe Tamaki has lost his touch."

Kaoru shot up to a sitting position. Every hair on his body stood on end. "Excuse me?"

"Maybe is it both? You think that maybe having sex will make me forget that I'm angry about you sleeping with him."

The nervousness was starting to turn into fear. "Kyoya, I—"

"Did you think I wouldn't notice? Why would you go to France and not visit him? You always visit him."

Kaoru waited a beat. For a moment, he'd wondered how Kyoya could know that, because Tamaki certainly didn't. Then again, this was Kyoya, who knew everything somehow. "T-true as that may be..."

"I could tell," Kyoya spat with disdain, not looking at the redhead at all. "You're quite the actor. Always have been. But you can't hide the air around you. The look in your eyes. The spring in your step. I could tell. It's the way you always have been with him. When everyone else was blind, all through high school, since the day things changed—I've always noticed. He makes you happy, in a way that no one else can. In a way that I cannot."

Kaoru sighed, pressing his chest to the dark haired man's back and wrapping his arms around him. "Don't get sentimental on me now, babe. I love you because you're never like this." With any luck, this wouldn't be a repeat of that incident. "Let's just have meaningless sex."

"Who are you kidding?" Kyoya turned and pushing Kaoru back down onto the bed, leaning over him menacingly. "You _crave_ affection. That's why you slept with him, because he adores you." His grip on Kaoru tightened painfully. "Affection that I won't ever give you."

Kaoru's eyes watered. "He wouldn't even take empty sex from me, Kyoya. He didn't want what I offered. At all." He tried to take a deep breath, to calm down, but instead ended up with a short, sharp intake of air. "I don't know what to do. He won't fight for me."

"No, he won't," Kyoya muttered, beginning to undress Kaoru. "But I fought for you. I married a woman for you. I'm living a lie for you."

Kaoru's breath caught in his throat. "Kyoya, I—I _love _you for that."

"That's right," Kyoya breathed against Kaoru's pale skin. "You love me."

"I love you," Kaoru whispered, letting the other man handle him like a doll.

Always like a doll.


	3. Is That What You Want?

**Please note that as of 04 March 2015 Chapters One through Six have all been rewritten. There aren't any plot changes per se, but there have been edits. ****_Chapter Seven is brand new._**

**I don't own Ouran.**

* * *

><p><strong>Remember Me<strong>

**Chapter Three — Is That What You Want?**

"Kaoru?" Nadine said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Kaoru, your phone is ringing. Kaoru?" She shook the redhead gently.

"Shut it up," Kaoru replied groggily. "Answer it."

She reached over to the nightstand and said sweetly, "Hello, this is Kaoru's phone," before flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Uh—um, yes." The smooth female voice caught him off guard, and he struggled to recover. "I am calling on behalf of Suoh Industries France. Could I speak with Mr. Hitachiin, please?" He fidgeted in his chair.

"I'm sorry, you seem to have caught him in bed. May I ask why you are calling?" She crossed her legs and began to examine her long nails.

"S-sure." Tamaki bit his lip nervously, twisting the cord of the phone between his fingers. _In bed? Not something his secretary would say. Who is this?_ "My company is, uh, interested in doing business with Mr. Hitachiin." He leaned onto his desk and knocked over a stack of papers off of the edge with his elbow. "W-well, uh, we understand that he has an upcoming show in Germany, correct? My boss is interested in meeting him there to see the new line and perhaps discuss this deal. Could you please have him call us when it is more convenient for him?"

"Oh, yes, of course. I can do that." Not knowing drove him crazy. Kaoru wouldn't sleep with a woman, would he?

"Thank you, madam. Have a great day." Tamaki hung up immediately, his palms sweating. His secretary stood in front of him with an eyebrow raised. "Oh, Annabelle, I didn't see you there."

"Sir, are you all right?" She bent at the knees to pick up the stack of papers that he had dropped, still looking up at him suspiciously. "I have never seen you so...flustered, before."

"Yes, yes," Tamaki replied, sitting up straight in his chair and smoothing out his blazer. _She's right. Where has the prince I used to be gone? _"I just really want him. I mean, I really want this deal to go through. It could mean big things for us."

Annabelle smiled. "Yes, sir! I'm sure he will not be able to resist your charms when you meet in person! You are a difficult man to refuse!" Tamaki grinned in response as he watched her walk away, but on the inside, he knew that was far from true.

"Oh, sir, I didn't catch your..." Nadine started, but she realized that the man had hung up. "Name." She placed the phone back down on the nightstand beside the bed and turned to Kaoru. "Sweetie?" Kaoru grunted, his face down in the mattress, a pillow over his head, and the thin sheet twisted around his body as if he were tossing and turning all night. "Is your iPhone your work phone?"

"No, Kaoru replied, his voice muffled. Blackberry is work; iPhone is personal. Why?"

"Well, it seems that you had a business call on your personal line. From France. Someone named... Soo? Soo...something."

Kaoru pulled the pillow off of his head and looked at her. "Suoh?"

"Yes, that was it. He asked if you would return the call. About your show in Germany in two weeks."

"Oh." Kaoru sighed. _That was all?_

"Why do you look so down?" Nadine asked, ruffling his hair.

"I should get a new Blackberry. That was the phone I bought after my first sale." _He helped me pick it out. He remembers the number._

"But that is not why you are upset. Tell mama." Nadine pulled him up and pressed his head against her chest.

"It's nothing." _And all that time, he never called me. And all I could do was think about him. _"He must really not love me," he said softly.

Nadine chuckled. "Darling, I don't think Kyoya has really ever loved anyone."

Kaoru grunted, plopping his face back into the pillow. "I guess he went to work? Didn't even kiss me goodbye."

"Has he ever?" Nadine sighed, empathizing with the redhead. He deserved better. "I'll bring you some pants." She stood up and walked over to Kaoru's closet, adding, "I have to say, it's getting old. I mean, I don't mind being a beard. I knew that coming into this marriage. But I didn't expect to be treated like this. Let alone you. It breaks my heart, you know?" She threw clothing in Kaoru's general direction, not bothering to look if they landed where she wanted them to or not.

Suddenly, Kaoru sat up. "Do you trust me? I have a plan."

* * *

><p>"I'm home," Kyoya said blandly as he slipped off his shoes in the doorway.<p>

"I want a divorce," Nadine said abruptly, standing up and approaching him quite seriously.

"Excuse me?" Kyoya grated out with a frown.

"Oh, so you _do _know how to portray emotion. Good, I thought you were lacking humanity."

"What does that mean?" If he were the type of man to hit a woman, he would have struck her down long ago.

"Look, I don't care how you treat your lovers, but you don't pay me enough to stay married to you. Frankly, you're a shit husband."

"So, what, do you want me to pay you more? I can pay you more, Nadine," scoffed Kyoya.

"Money is not the issue, Kyoya. _You _are my issue. I can't stand you. We don't get along. I'm surprised anyone in the public eye believes we're married. After seeing the way you treat people you _actually_ sleep with, the people you supposedly care about, I'm surprised you're as nice to me as you are. Nothing is working. I want out."

Kyoya stared at her harshly. "Fine," he said finally.

* * *

><p>"I'm home!" Kaoru called out happily. "Hello?" he called again when he didn't get a response. "Nadine? Kyoya?" He walked through the living room into the kitchen. "Anyone home?"<p>

"Kaoru."

He whirled around. "Kyoya." His smile was wide. "How was your day?" Kyoya brushed Kaoru off when he tried to touch him. Kaoru looked hurt. "What?"

Kyoya's face didn't change. "Are you hungry?"

Kaoru blinked. "Yes. Did you have dinner without me?"

"It's in the fridge." Kaoru nodded, turning around the scour the fridge for leftovers. "Where were you?"

"Work, silly," Kaoru chuckled.

"It's late."

"Yes, it is. I'm glad you noticed."

"Kaoru."

Kaoru sighed, placing some food in the microwave. "Yes, darling?"

"You love me, right?"

Kaoru paused in his movements. Time seemed to stop for a moment. "Of course." It made his heart hurt, saying it.

"Say it."

"I love you." He wanted to cry.

Kyoya grabbed his arm and held it tight, turning Kaoru around to face him. "Say it like you mean those words."

"I _do_," Kaoru replied, his eyes tearing up. He reached out to Kyoya, clutching the pale blue fabric of the dark haired man's button down shirt.

"_Say it_."

"I love you, Kyoya." It came out as a whisper. Kyoya pressed his lips roughly into Kaoru's pushing him against the countertop. He held him tightly, one arm wrapped around the redhead's neck, pulling him into the kiss, and the other pushed against the counter. Kaoru's arms were trapped between them, his fingers desperately holding the shirt as if for dear life. He moaned, scarcely able to breathe, but unable to push his elder away. Kyoya pushed harder, kissing him frantically, exploring Kaoru's mouth feverishly with his tongue. Kaoru groaned at the painful feeling of the counter's edge cutting into his back. Suddenly, the microwave beeped and they separated, panting heavily.

"Sorry," Kyoya muttered at the look on Kaoru's face. "I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"N-no," Kaoru stuttered. "It's fine."

* * *

><p>"Kyoya?" Kaoru entered the bedroom tentatively, hearing the sounds of Kyoya brushing his teeth from the master bath. "I wanted to ask you something."<p>

"Fine," Kyoya said around the toothbrush.

Kaoru walked further in. "Well," he started. Kyoya could have looked at him easily through the mirror, but instead he stared down into the sink. As if the toothpaste and drool that fell from his mouth was more interesting than his lover. "I haven't formally discussed it with him, but a potential new client proposed an idea over the phone this morning. I haven't called back yet because I wanted to ask you."

"What's the idea?" Kyoya spat into the sink and continued brushing.

"Endorsement, I think. The message was vague. He wants to meet at the show in Germany. He wants to see the new line."

"Hm. Company?"

"S-suoh Industries," he muttered.

"What?"

"Suoh Industries," Kaoru repeated louder, nervously.

Kyoya stopped brushing his teeth. "Suoh Industries France."

"T-that's right." Kaoru cringed. While Kyoya would never hit a woman, a man was a different story. He treaded carefully. At least, he tried to.

"And who is he? Tamaki?"

"Kyoya, I don't know anything. I didn't answer the phone call. It was apparently vague and left by a man who claimed to be a representative of the company. My, uh, secretary relayed the message to me. And you know how forgetful he is."

Kyoya sighed. As much as he hated the thought of Kaoru having any more dealings with Tamaki, he couldn't deny the possibility of a good proposal. Kyoya didn't hate Tamaki. He hated that Kaoru was still in love with him. "All right." He looked at Kaoru through the mirror. "Call them tomorrow. Get the details. Then we can decide."

Kaoru nodded. _Dodged a bullet. Would he have struck me if I were standing closer? Maybe. Probably best to leave out the fact that if I accept, I'd be meeting Tamaki himself in Germany._ "Thank you. I'll call back in the morning." He stood there awkwardly for a moment, watching Kyoya wipe his mouth with a towel. "Well, good night, then." He started to leave.

"Where are you going?" Kyoya asked, as if it was the most ridiculous thing for Kaoru to be doing.

"To bed?" Kaoru replied, puzzled.

"To your room? You're not going to spend the night in here?"

"You only ask me to stay here when you want sex. Is that what you want? We just slept together last night. Aren't you satisfied, for now?" It was annoying enough that Kaoru was living out of two rooms. Half of his belongings were in this room, and half in another, where he slept when Kyoya decided that he needed a California King sized bed to himself. So much for being Japanese. Kaoru slept on a futon in his own bedroom.

"That's not true."

"What isn't?"

"We usually don't have sex when you sleep in here."

Kaoru laughed, although it was devoid of mirth. "You always want it, but I don't always give it. I'm usually not emotionally vulnerable enough to let you torture me."

"You make it sound like you hate it."

"I like sex. It's all the feelings afterward I can't stand." The two looked at each other for a long while, Kaoru standing in the bedroom with his arms crossed, and Kyoya leaning against the bathroom sink.

"Sleep in here."

"Fine. But we're not fucking." Kaoru plopped down onto the bed, his arms still folded across his chest. Kyoya turned the bathroom light off and approached the bed, stopping to stand over Kaoru menacingly.

"I want to."

"Well, I don't," Kaoru stated matter-of-factly. His head was turned away.

Kyoya frowned. He pushed Kaoru down onto the bed. "You will."

"Kyoya, no." He pushed against the other man, but it was to no avail.

"Kaoru," Kyoya whispered against Kaoru's skin, "I love you." He placed small kisses up his shoulder and nipped at his neck. Kaoru shivered. His brain tried so hard to be logical. _He doesn't mean that. He's just saying it so that you'll stop resisting. Don't believe him. _His heart wanted so badly to believe it. _Don't give in. He just wants you to open your legs._

But it worked, just like it always worked. Kaoru stopped fighting as Kyoya's hands made their way up his legs, then pulled his pants down and threw them aside. "Tell me how much you love me, Kaoru."

Kaoru closed his eyes. "I love you so much." Hands up his shirt. He felt nauseous. "I love you so much that it hurts."

Kyoya pushed Kaoru's shirt up to his collarbone and laid kisses up his bare chest, nipping and licking here and there. "Do you love me when you're fucking your assistant?"

"Yes." He ran a hand through Kyoya's hair and trembled. Kyoya usually overlooked his transgressions. _Usually_. Every once in a while, he'd been punished, and it always started like this.

"And do you love me when you're messing around with someone you met at a show or the club?" Kyoya's mouth remained above the waist, while his hands moved below.

"Yes," Kaoru gasped. His body wanted to lean into the touches between his legs at the same as it wanted to recoil.

Kyoya's nipping turned into biting, and Kaoru winced. "And do you still love me when you're sleeping with your friend Tristan?"

"Of course." Tonight was going to hurt. Tonight was going to _hurt_.

"And when about when you got into bed with Tamaki?" One of Kyoya's hands wrapped itself loosely around the redhead's neck. "Were you thinking about me then?"

Kaoru had to think about his answer. Was it worse to tell the truth, or to lie? What would he be punished for more? Lying, he decided, was worse. "Not at all," he said quietly.

The hand tightened around his neck. "You didn't think of me at all."

"No," Kaoru replied hoarsely. "I was being selfish and horny. I didn't think of you at all."

Kyoya sat up and let him go. Kaoru took a deep breath. "That was very selfish of you." He grabbed Kaoru's arm and flipped him over. "Let me be rough with you."

Kaoru buried his face in a pillow, holding it tightly. It didn't used to be like this. There was time when it seemed like he and Kyoya were really in love. But the older they got, the more resentment grew between them. And as he held back tears, trying to ignore the burning in his backside, he knew that it was time to leave. Nothing was going to end well with the Shadow King.

* * *

><p>Kaoru opened his eyes groggily to see Kyoya towel-drying his hair in front of the mirror, dressed and nearly ready for work. It hurt—his throat, his ass, his heart—everything hurt.<p>

"Kyoya..." His voice was raspy.

Kyoya turned around, surprised to see his lover awake. "Didn't feel like sleeping in this morning? Did I not wear you out enough last night?"

"Ngg..." He rolled around in the bed, wrapping the white blanket around his body. "What am I doing with you?" The words came out slow and slurred.

"If you don't understand the concept of sleeping together after nine years, then I don't know."

"I mean...that's it. We've been fucking for nine years. That's it. This is going nowhere." Kaoru yawned and stretched out.

"Where did you go, Kaoru? You've been so serious lately." Kyoya straightened his tie. "The reason I like you isn't because you're boring like me."

"Do you like me at all?" he asked honestly, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I like you enough."

Kaoru frowned. "That's not enough."

"Then why haven't you left yet?"

Kaoru stared down into the bed. "Where else would I go? I don't want to be alone. I've grown to love you." He looked up at Kyoya imploringly. Kyoya didn't look back at him in the slightest. "I've been hoping you'd love me too."

"Where did you think this was going? It's not like I'm ever going to marry you, or start adopting third world children with you. I like men, and I like you, and my father cares enough to let me pay a woman to marry me and pretend to be my wife and turn a blind eye to yours and my actions in the bedroom. That's more than Tamaki gave you."

Kaoru frowned. "Tamaki would have married me. We would have had a family. Or a dog."

"I don't like animals."

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Or children."

Kyoya entered the room to put on his watch and shoes. "Would he have done those things before or after he told his family about you?" Kaoru wanted to punch Kyoya in the face, but the bed was too comfortable to get up, and the repercussions of that action were too upsetting to think about. "Have your fantasy family in your dreams. You could spend your life hiding with someone who won't fight for you. Or you could get Christmas cards from my father and be invited to dinner. You and I are hiding from the public. But my family understands. His will never."

Kaoru was silent. He hated that Kyoya was right. And he loved Tamaki too much to force him to give up what little ties he had left to his family to force him to choose. _I need to retract my ultimatum. And apologize to Tamaki._

"I'm leaving," Kyoya said on his way out, not even giving Kaoru the chance to respond before the door slammed shut.

"Have a good day," Kaoru said to no one, sinking back into the bed.


	4. Well, I'm Not Tamaki

**Please note that as of 04 March 2015 Chapters One through Six have all been rewritten. There aren't any plot changes per se, but there have been edits. ****_Chapter Seven is brand new._**

**I don't own Ouran.**

* * *

><p><strong>Remember Me<strong>

**Chapter Four — Well, I'm Not Tamaki**

"Kyoya," Nadine said flatly, the most greeting she would give the man. He merely nodded in response. Two weeks of negotiations, and the two were legally separated. The lawyer had been amazed at how quickly they'd settled things, but neither wanted it to drag on in any way. "Is Kaoru ready to go?"

Kyoya turned and called out, "Kaoru! It's time to go!" Seconds later, Kaoru came down the stairs with a rolling suitcase in one hand and a leather jacket in the other, a simple black messenger bag slung across his shoulder.

"Nadine," he said brightly, and his eyes sparkled when he smiled. Kyoya had to avert his eyes. He hadn't seen that look aimed at him since they started dating. _When we were _actually _dating, _Kyoya thought._When I had charm, and tact, and feeling._

"Kao-chan!" Nadine squeezed him tightly in a hug. "I cannot wait to see you work your magic on the runway."

Kaoru laughed, "It's not my magic, it's the models. All I do is sew fabric; they make it clothing."

She slapped him on the shoulder playfully. "So modest. Anyway, ready to go?"

He nodded, then turned to Kyoya. "Don't miss me too much, okay?" He took Kyoya's hand for a moment and squeezed it.

"Kaoru," Kyoya said lowly, the pain more apparent in his voice than he would have liked.

"Kyoya," Kaoru smiled sweetly. He sounded tired. "I won't sleep with him. I promise." He gave him a chaste kiss and stepped back. "All right, then. See you."

* * *

><p>Hours later, the plane touched down in France:<p>

"Monsieur! Oh, how good it is to see you," said the Frenchman. Kaoru hated the greasy man and his stupid little mustache, as he could only tolerate so much sexual harassment at once, but he did good work.

"And you, Benoit," Kaoru replied, hugging and kissing him on both cheeks, although it made him cringe inwardly. "I hope everything is set for me to work?" Kaoru took off his black leather gloves and brought his sunglasses up to rest on his head, starting to walk past the man through the airport.

"Of course, sir. And how was your flight?" Kaoru detected a waver in his voice.

"Fine. I'd like to see how things are going before I turn in for the night," he replied simply.

"Yes, sir. And who is this beautiful woman?" Benoit asked, stopping to turn toward Nadine, whose exotic features made many people in the airport turn their heads.

"I am Nadine, monsieur," Nadine replied, extending her hand with the slightest curtsy.

"Enchanté." He kissed her hand, and she smiled back.

"Could we hurry this up? Nadine, would you like to come?"

"I think I'll take a taxi to the hotel ahead of you, and check us in." Kaoru nodded.

"Then Benoit, you and I will—"

"Sir, why such the rush? Why don't you check in with the lady, and then—oh!" Kaoru grabbed his arm harshly.

"Don't lie to me. Why don't you want me to see the workshop?"

"W-well, monsieur, y-you see," Benoit started nervously, fidgeting, "Monsieur was not present at the shows in New York, or London, or Milan."

"That's right; I had Tristan take care of everything."

"Well, I was not expecting your arrival in Paris, so things aren't the way Monsieur likes them. Tristan called me an hour ago, saying that Monsieur Hitachiin was on a plane and that I must be there to pick him up. So, immediately, I called Marjorie at the workshop and said, Monsieur Hitachiin is on his way, and to set everything up. She complained about the hour, and I thought maybe you would be tired from traveling, so—"

"Benoit, how many years have you worked for me?"

"I was your second employee ever, sir."

"That's right. And how many times have I not stopped in to see the workshop because I was tired?"

"Never, sir."

"That's right. So, despite an entire day of traveling, I want to see it. Next time, don't lie to me. I want to see things as they are so I can make a plan for the work day. Don't bother beautifying everything. In fact, I don't want you to touch anything. Just show me."

"Of course, sir."

* * *

><p>"Kaoru."<p>

"Tristan," Kaoru sighed, throwing his messenger bag on a couch littered with clothing and shoes. "This place looks like shit," he added, putting his hands on his hips and looking around.

"So do you," Tristan replied, sitting on the edge of a table with his arms folded.

"One doesn't dress for style on a thirteen hour flight." He decided to slump onto the couch after pushing some things aside.

"Maybe _people_ don't, but you're Kaoru. I can't believe you wore coral crop pants. And those hideous sunglasses!" Tristan was smiling, just poking fun.

Kaoru shrugged. He honestly didn't have much energy for joking around. "They make it so easy for me to fall asleep."

"I suppose." His smile faltered and he looked away.

_I put him off_, Kaoru thought. Okay, if it would raise Tristan's spirits, he would joke around too. "Would you like it better if I wore nothing at all?" Kaoru smiled mischievously.

Tristan looked back up and bit his lip. "Always."

Kaoru laughed to keep from getting nervous. "I'm proud of the work you did in the other cities."

Tristan shrugged. "They're your clothes; your models. I just tell them the order to walk in and what shoes to wear."

Kaoru smiled. "I'm only here for two days before I head off to Germany for the special menswear show. But I trust you'll do as well at this fashion week as the others."

"Any requests, sir?"

Kaoru pouted in thought. "I want you to put on the show for me at ten. I want you to do everything the way you would do it on the day."

Tristan nodded, glancing at the clock. "Will you be okay at ten? At this hour, you won't even get eight hours of sleep. And I know how you like your sleep."

"Yeah, that way I could get work out of the way, hopefully by dinner."

"All right. Anything else?"

"That will be all." Kaoru closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch, but he still felt Tristan's eyes on him. After waiting for a long pause, he opened his eyes and looked up. "What?"

Tristan stood in front of Kaoru with his arms folded across his chest. "Just wondering why you didn't bring your assistant. Or are you fucking someone new, now?"

He closed his eyes again, saying quietly, "You know exactly who I'm fucking right now."

"Still? Still with Kyouya?" Tristan sounded genuinely irritated.

"...When I'm not being promiscuous, yes."

Tristan sighed. "I'd rather you be fucking that twink of an assistant. Or Benoit." Both of them cringed.

"Ignoring the impossibility that is ever going to bed with Benoit, I haven't slept with Ryu in a long time. The only reason you keep bringing him up is because you walked in on it once. Just let it go."

"Don't you even remember why you slept with him in the first place, Kaoru?"

"Because I was drunk." He was getting really tired of this.

"And do you remember why you were drunk that night?"

Kaoru waited a beat; his eyes narrowed. "No." He stood up and started to walk past the other man. He wasn't going to take this anymore.

"Because of Kyouya," Tristan growled, grabbing Kaoru's arm and spinning him around.

"Shut up, you just _shut up right now._" He gave Tristan a light shove, just to keep him away.

"Because he beat you up."

"Fucking...he didn't _beat_ me, he hit me _once_, and it happened to give me a black eye." Tristan's gaze was scrutinizing. "And anyway, that was the only time he did anything like that! I probably deserved it."

"Kaoru, no one ever deserves that, and once is enough!" Tristan exclaimed with exasperation. "I don't know why you still hang around him."

"Who else do I have? What do you want me to do? I can't _stand_ being alone!" There was a pause as those words faded away.

"Kaoru," Tristan said, softening his voice. "You have _me._" Tristan enveloped the red-head in his arms, an entire head taller.

"Tch. You and your pretty bride." Kaoru frowned. "I haven't received an invitation to your wedding yet, by the way. You're not thinking of excluding me, are you?"

Tristan chuckled. "Of course not, you idiot. I'll send one to your work, if it hasn't come to your house."

"Hm." The two stood there for a while. "And how is Madeline?"

"She's fine. She's finishing her residency. And, well..."

"What?"

"She's got the overnight shift today. So if you wanted to come over..."

Kaoru pushed on his chest lightly. "Idiot. I can't fuck you now that you're engaged. Besides, it's been a long time since you and I have...anyway, I don't want to."

"Sure you do. I know you do. You always do. And Madeline knows about us, so it's not like it's bad...as long as it's only you, and you're not a woman, she doesn't mind."

Kaoru closed his eyes again. "I wish Kyouya was that easy. He knows I sleep around, and he doesn't do anything about it. He just looks at me like he's pissed, and then makes me dinner. I only do it so that he'll pay more attention to me..."

Tristan rolled his eyes. "You should move in with me and Madeline. We would pay attention to you. _And_ feed you. She's a good cook."

Kaoru frowned. "Anyway, I promised."

"What?"

"I...I promised him that I wouldn't screw around with Tamaki while I was away," Kaoru said gingerly. "He was pretty upset."

"Well, I'm not Tamaki."

"But, we both know that you _are_." Kaoru felt a twinge of guilt and pain. Half the reason he'd hired Tristan was because he looked like Tamaki, and all this time, Tristan let him pretend that he was.

"Come home with me." The blond whispered seductively, "Kaoru, come home with me."

* * *

><p>"Ah-aahh," Kaoru moaned, lifting his hips up and down to meet Tristan's. His hands were on Tristan's shoulders, to help him move his body up and down in the other man's lap, while Tristan kept his hands on Kaoru's hips, guiding him. "T-Tamaki, I'm...I'm going to..."<p>

"Kaoru," Tristan whispered hotly into his ear. Kaoru groaned, biting into Tristan's shoulder as he released along with Tristan, who gasped at the way Kaoru's body tightened around him and leaned his head back on the headboard of the bed. They rode out their orgasms, then Tristan held Kaoru's exhausted body loosely to his chest. Kaoru worked to get his breathing under control, leaning his head on Tristan's shoulder.

"I'm getting old," Kaoru panted. "I don't think I can go for a third time."

"You don't have to ride me this time," Tristan replied, running his fingers through soft, red hair. "Lie on your back for it."

Kaoru shook his head. "My hips...I think maybe I'll break if we try it again."

Tristan laughed, and Kaoru liked the tremors it sent through his body. "I thought you meant your stamina."

"That, too. It's been a while since it's been this intense..."

"Since the last time we slept together? It's already been about a year and a half. Does no one else measure up?"

Kaoru smiled. "It's because you know me like the back of your hand. No one else takes the time to learn how to fuck me."

"You taught me yourself, step by step, exactly what you wanted. And I like the way you respond to me. I almost like you more than Madeline. But I like women, after all...women and you. Just you."

Kaoru cringed. "It feels so good with you. You're so good at being him, I forget that you're actually not..._not _him."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"I feel like a rotten human."

"Don't. This situation works for me just as well as you. I like pretending to be someone else. It's a fun game."

Kaoru frowned, and thought for a moment about if it was a good idea to say what he was going to say. "I visited him," he admitted finally.

"Who? Tamaki?"

Kaoru nodded. "Whenever I come to France, I always peek in on him. Watch him from afar. Once, when I still had the key to his apartment, I even walked in when he was sleeping, but I felt so embarrassed that I left without even seeing his face."

"Gross. You stalker."

"I know. I can't help myself. But...he saw me. In the grocery store. I was trying so hard to not be noticed, and he walked right up to me and invited me over. Can you believe it?"

"I can believe that he misses you like hell. What happened then?"

"Well, we had dinner, and got drunk...I'm surprised, because when we were together, he drank wine like a fish, but we didn't even finish the bottle and he was...he was almost too drunk to get it up."

"What? You slept with him, then?"

"Well, yeah. But it was...I don't know what I was thinking. I'm really glad he can't remember it, because it was a mess. It was sloppy and I was crying half the time and he was _so_ _drunk_, I can't even—what was I even _thinking_? I'm such a fucking idiot."

"You're human," Tristan said, pushing Kaoru backward onto the mattress and leaning forward. "Now be good, and relax, and put your legs around me."

Kaoru did what he was told.

* * *

><p>"Your Japanese has gotten very good," Kaoru noted, stretched out lazily across the bed like a cat, watching Tristan move around the room.<p>

"Uh huh," Tristan called back from the bathroom. "I've been practicing. Your French, however, is shit."

He put his hands behind his head. "Yeah. I don't use it like I used to."

"That's dumb," Tristan replied, turning off the bathroom light and sitting on the bed. "If you want to do fashion, you should know French." He resituated Kaoru's legs and started to clean off the fluids they'd left behind.

Kaoru was going to make a sarcastic response, but it died in his throat. Tristan's touch was nice, and he closed his eyes, remembering how tired he was. "Hey..."

"Huh?"

"Should we have used protection? I mean, I'm pretty promiscuous..."

Tristan shrugged, although the gesture was lost on Kaoru. "I don't know. I only sleep with you and Madeline, and I always use protection with her. Why, do you not use it usually?"

"Of course I do. Even with Kyouya. The only times I haven't were tonight and...that night with Tamaki. But I have no idea what he's been up to..."

"You're probably fine, but if it bothers you, then go get tested. And tell me what happens, then."

Kaoru nodded, and he felt the soft blanket being wrapped around him. "Tristan..."

"Stop thinking of strange things and go to sleep." Tristan tucked Kaoru in and kissed his forehead.

Kaoru realized that he'd been being unusually obedient recently.

* * *

><p>"Kaoru? Kaoruuuu," the sweet, soft voice sang. "It's time to wake up now, darling."<p>

"Hnnn," Kaoru groaned in response, opening his eyes the slightest bit. He saw a pale face and red hair; not orange, like his own, but bright, ruby red hair. "Madeline?" The word came out slurred. Then his eyes flew open and he sat up abruptly (bad idea! Hips!) and felt his face heat up. He must have been redder than red. "M-Madeline, I-I'm so sorry!"

Madeline just laughed heartily and flashed him a knowing smile. Her voice was rich and gravely in a sexy way, made so by cigarette smoke. "Darling, don't be sorry. It's so lovely to see you again. You look good. Or is that just the afterglow?" She laughed again, this time, Kaoru noticed, wearily. "I hope you two had a good night. But you have to get to work, right? Tristan and I are making breakfast, so go jump in the shower and it'll be ready for you."

Kaoru made a face and pulled the blanket up around himself. "Madie, I'm _so _sorry. This is so embarrassing. Oh, God. You must be so tired, and your bed—fuck, I need to change the sheets for you—"

"Kaoru, Kaoru," Madeline laughed again, "really, don't worry. It's fine. I don't mind, since he's always in a better mood when he sees you. He worries about you most of the time. So go get ready, and I can worry about the bed."

Kaoru nodded. "I think I'm cursed to eternally feel like an asshole." It was half true, and also, he loved hearing her laugh.

* * *

><p>Showered, clothed, watered, and fed, Kaoru started to feel much better. Almost normal. He called Nadine. "Sorry. I should have told you I wouldn't be showing up."<p>

"Darling, don't worry. Did you have a good night?" Her voice said it all, and Kaoru turned red again.

"Huh, uh, well, we're outside the hotel, so come down to the car." He cleared his throat nervously, and Tristan stifled a laugh from the driver's seat beside him.

"I'll be right there."

"Wow, Nadine," Tristan started to say once she was seated in the back, "you are so beautiful. My Madeline would be jealous. It is lovely to meet you."

"And you," she smiled back. "I never get to meet the man from the night before."

Kaoru blushed again and they laughed playfully at him. "Tristan is more than a one night stand. He's been my best friend for ten years."

"Sometimes, a playmate," Tristan interjected.

"Just shut the fuck up and drive," Kaoru muttered.

* * *

><p>Tristan and Nadine got along swimmingly. Normally, Kaoru would have been thrilled, but it's much less fun when they get along by poking fun at him.<p>

He sighed wearily as he sat down, finally, at one in the afternoon. Kaoru frowned as Tristan walked out onto the catwalk to present the models, and called out, "on the show day, you can't be three fucking hours late. Just start the music and bring them out." Tristan's smile faded and he nodded, giving a cue to the guy in charge of the music. He was disappointed in himself for failing Kaoru, and was determined to do better.

Kaoru nodded affirmatively when the music started to play and the first model appeared. "Strengthen up your walk! Don't look like a model! Look like a warrior!" The model kept going, and when she posed at the end, Kaoru yelled, "That's what I'm talking about! Keep it going!"

Nadine leaned over and said in Kaoru's ear, "Don't you think you're being hard?"

"Huh? Christa, chin up! No, Nadine, they need to show off the clothes. It's distracting when their bodies aren't doing the right thing. Art belongs on a canvas, not a soggy piece of lined paper. Christa, fucking_chin up_! Good girl!"

Nadine scoffed. "Not the models. I was a model. I know what it's like. I mean Tristan."

Kaoru rolled his eyes. The next model walked forward with fierce, long strides, her hair flowing out from behind her like a superhero comic. "Renee, why isn't your hair up? This isn't a shampoo commercial; I need to see the fucking detail on the back of the dress!" When she posed at the end, she grabbed her long hair and threw it on the top of her head, holding it up with her hand. She made a hard face, then turned and jutted out her hip, showing off the dress in exactly the way Kaoru wanted, then walked back, letting the hair waterfall back down to her hips. "Yes! Perfect! Gorgeous! Do exactly that at the show!" He turned back to Nadine. "I'm not being hard. I'm doing my fucking job. If I say do the show at ten, do the fucking show at ten. He knows."

Nadine crossed her arms. "He's upset."

"So am I."

* * *

><p>Kaoru stood with Tristan, scrutinizing the models. "Tristan, this needs to be taken in more here...and here." Tristan nodded, pinning the dress. "And this one should fit like this. Also, I think these earrings are too overpowering. It's a great outfit, but I'm not showing off the outfit. I'm showing off the dress."<p>

"Right. Simple."

Kaoru nodded. "I want her hair more like a pinup doll. She's got this great short hair, so make good use of it. It adds to the feel of the ensemble." He reached the last model. "I want you to change these shoes to something colorful. I don't like the black shoes on the black dress. That's all."

Tristan smiled honestly. "Sounds great."

"Thank you, everyone. Good job!" When the girls and other staff had cleared the room, Kaoru started to gather his things.

"Kaoru. I take it you won't be back?"

"I should be here for a late dinner, if you're interested. Maybe eight or nine?"

"All right." Tristan looked sad.

"...Was I too hard on you today?"

"No, not at all. I just..."

Kaoru bit his lip. "You know that I came here with ulterior motives."

"I just want you to be careful. And know that I'm here for you."

Kaoru nodded. "I'll see you later, then. Take care of Nadine for me." He turned to leave when Tristan grabbed his arm, not roughly.

"Wait." Tristan took a step closer.

"Not—not here. I don't need everyone thinking we're fucking."

Tristan put a hand on Kaoru's cheek. "They all think so anyway."

Kaoru honestly didn't care what they thought. He was more afraid of losing himself in the kiss again, but went with it anyway. It was nice: warm and gentle and comforting.

"Good luck," Tristan said softly.

Kaoru smiled weakly as he left.

Heading for the offices of Suoh Industries, France.


	5. I Wanted to Surprise You

**Please note that as of 04 March 2015 Chapters One through Six have all been rewritten. There aren't any plot changes per se, but there have been edits. ****_Chapter Seven is brand new._**

**I don't own Ouran.**

* * *

><p><strong>Remember Me<strong>

**Chapter Five — I Wanted to Surprise You**

"Sir, there's a man here to see you," the assistant's voice came sweetly through the intercom.

"I'm not taking anyone today," Tamaki responded wearily.

"You'll want to take this one, sir," she replied after a moment. "He says he's Kaoru Hitachiin."

Tamaki froze. Kaoru? Here? _Now?_

"Give me five minutes." He stood up abruptly and started to panic. The cooling and heating system was on the fritz, so he was hot and sweaty (the past two hours had been nothing but stifling heat—possibly, the next four would be Arctic cold), he was stressed and disheveled from working for three days straight in such temperature fluctuations—he hadn't showered or done anything remotely hygienic, including changing his clothes—and now, now the love of his life had appeared without warning.

He used a handkerchief to wipe away the worst of the grime and combed his hair with his fingers.

It wasn't anywhere near good enough, but it was better.

"Send him in," he told the girl.

The door opened. "Tamaki?"

The blond smiled. "Kaoru, come in."

Kaoru smiled back and shut the door behind him. "Are you okay?" Kaoru took Tamaki's face in his hands. Tamaki was sure his heart melted. "I should have called. You look exhausted."

"Kaoru." Tamaki relished his touch. "What are you doing here?" He was almost afraid that it was a dram.

Kaoru laughed elegantly. "I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to see you." He looked down. "I needed to apologize."

"Never," Tamaki shook his head, putting his hands over Kaoru's. "Not to me."

Kaoru smiled softly. "Yes, I do. For my behavior last time I was here. I...I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to ask you to do things like that. To change your life for me. I just..I want you to be happy, all right?"

Tamaki nodded. "Don't worry about all of that."

* * *

><p>Kaoru sat across from Tamaki at the desk, talking excitedly. Tamaki watched him reminiscently through tired eyes. He himself felt old and weary, but Kaoru looked quite the opposite: vibrant and animated. He looked refreshed. He laughed at whatever Tamaki said, he blushed prettily, and even make the simple action of drinking water look sexy. He was being especially flirtatious and charismatic, the way Tamaki used to be.<p>

The realization hit him abruptly. "Someone fucked you last night," he interjected.

Kaoru blushed violently. "You...Tamaki..."

He smiled. "I know you, Kaoru; it's been ten years since we were together, but we were together for ten years before that. So, I can tell. You always get this way after having sex."

Kaoru looked startled and embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Tamaki laughed. "It's not like we're together. And you've always been a very sexual being. I never expected that to end with me—and I wouldn't _want_ it to."

Kaoru fidgeted nervously. "You're probably the only person to not reprimand me for my promiscuity."

Tamaki shrugged. "What can I do? As long as you're not in an exclusive relationship, and as long as you're not being unsafe, I mean, it's _your_ body. You can do what you want with it."

"Tamaki..." Kaoru wasn't sure what to say.

Tamaki looked at the clock. It had already been an hour. Talking and laughing with Kaoru for an hour. "How long are you here?"

"Uh, I'm leaving tomorrow morning," Kaoru answered, caught off guard. "To set up for the Germany show."

"Right."

"Tonight, I'll probably be at the workshop."

"And where is that?"

Kaoru hesitated. "It's next to the design school, two streets over."

"Oh, so it hasn't changed?" _I helped him move into that space when we were first together._

Kaoru shook his head. "Well, we both should get back to work. I guess I will see you soon?"

Tamaki nodded happily.

* * *

><p>"What do you want for dinner?" Tristan asked, sitting on a couch with his feet up on the coffee table.<p>

Kaoru didn't look up. He shrugged, "Not really hungry." He pinned a dress on a mannequin.

Tristan frowned. "Don't lie. You already skipped lunch."

Kaoru sighed. "Tristan, I just...I don't feel well today."

Tristan stood and smiled. "Can I help?" He wrapped his arms around Kaoru's waist from behind.

"No," Kaoru chuckled, "that's part of why I don't feel well. I'm sore."

"Hm. I'll be gentle. Come on."

Kaoru turned and laid his arms on Tristan's shoulders. "I guess you've convinced me."

"You're easy," Tristan teased, pulling the measuring tape that hung from Kaoru's neck.

* * *

><p>Tamaki stood outside of the workshop. It looked mostly dark, and he briefly wondered if Kaoru was even still there.<p>

He checked his reflection in own of the windows. He'd left work early, showered, changed into a simple black suit, and even bought a bouquet of orange chrysanthemums. Tamaki had decided to take every precious moment he had with the redhead seriously. If he didn't, how could he possibly win him back?

"Can I help you, Monsieur?" Tamaki turned to see a short man with greasy black hair. He reminded Tamaki of a rat in every way, down to the way his fingers curled around his keys. He stammered, feeling caught and embarrassed. "Do you speak French?" Benoit asked, raising an eyebrow. The blond still did, after all, look Asian.

Tamaki regained his composure and answered. "I'm sorry. Is Kaoru still here?"

Benoit raised an eyebrow at the way the other man so familiarly referred to the famous designer, but didn't pry. "Yes, Monsieur. Should I let you inside?"

"I would appreciate that, thank you."

Tamaki entered, thanking the man again, who nodded and stepped back out into the night. He made his way through the dim halls to where he remembered seeing lights on, and as he approached, he heard voices.

Rather, one voice in particular, and he blushed at the sound of it.

It was Kaoru, and he was _moaning_. Tamaki decided to wait around the corner. There was no reason to intrude on his former lover. Things between them were messy enough.

"T-Tamaki..." Kaoru groaned, and the blond turned scarlet. _Is he...is he thinking of me? _Tamaki thought, _touching himself to me?_

Soon after, he froze at the sound of another voice. "You're so tight, Kaoru. Fuck, it's good." It didn't compute. If Kaoru had, by chance, another lover named Tamaki beside himself, then why would he also be speaking French?

He heard what he knew to be Kaoru reaching his climax, and pretty much wanted to die. He was mortified. But his body wouldn't move. He settled for leaning against the wall quietly for what felt like forever.

"Aw, aren't you staying for cuddles?"

"No," Kaoru laughed, that airy, bubbly laugh Kaoru used only when he was _really_ happy. "I've got an early start tomorrow."

"It's not like you're going to get much sleep."

Kaoru sighed. "Probably not, no. Anyway, say goodbye to Madeline for me."

"I will." There was a pause. "It was good seeing you again, Kaoru. Please don't forget to visit."

"Yeah. I guess the next time I see you will be your wedding?"

"You won't visit sooner than that?"

"I don't know." Another pause.

"Whatever. In the meantime, don't let that guy cage you up. I'm telling you just to leave him."

Tamaki's interest kept getting piqued, despite his wanting for it not to. Who were they talking about? He could hear the scowl that must have been on Kaoru's face.

"I'll tell Nadine you said goodbye."

Tamaki shrank against the wall as he heart Kaoru's footsteps approaching from down the hall, the laughter of the mystery man echoing.

"K-Kaoru," Tamaki said when he finally found the courage. The younger man had already strode right past him.

Kaoru turned, startled. "Tamaki?" He looked uneasy and ashamed. "What are you doing here?" His voice was soft. It carried none of the mirth it held just moments before with the other man.

Tamaki smiled timidly, clearing his throat and holding out the flowers. "I wanted to surprise you. I was hoping we could have dinner, but if you're too tired..."

"N-no!" Kaoru blushed. "I mean, I would love to have dinner with you." He took the flowers and brought them to his face. He _loved _chrysanthemums.

Even in the darkness, Tamaki could see the embarrassed flush on Kaoru's face. "S-so, uh...how long have you been standing here?"

"Long enough," Tamaki replied gently.

Kaoru ran a hand through his hair. "Oh—_fuck_, Tamaki. You must think I'm the worst."

"I don't think you're the worst—I'm a little confused? But it's your business. I said that. I meant that."

"I'm so sorry," Kaoru muttered.

"Don't be." Tamaki scratched his head. There was an awkward silence. "Well, would you like to go?"

Kaoru nodded. "Yes."


	6. Let's Not Talk Anymore

**Please note that as of 04 March 2015 Chapters One through Six have all been rewritten. There aren't any plot changes per se, but there have been edits. ****_Chapter Seven is brand new._**

**I don't own Ouran.**

* * *

><p><strong>Remember Me <strong>

**Chapter Six — Let's Not Talk Anymore**

Kaoru had showered and changed into a suit all in ten minutes.

Too bad, they were possibly the most awkward ten minutes of Tamaki's life (and that's including hearing Kaoru fuck someone else and call him Tamaki).

The suite Kaoru was staying in had a living room, where Tamaki stood, a kitchen and dining room, a bathroom, and a private bedroom, where Kaoru was speaking with a tall, dark, and gorgeous woman. He'd left the door open, and Tamaki could hear and see them.

"Kaoru, I wasn't sure whether you'd be joining me tonight." She sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, wearing a lacy, purple neglige. The news played quietly on the television.

"I'm not staying," Kaoru said quickly, rifling though his suitcase.

"Oh? Are you spending the night with Tristan again?"

"N-no, it's not Tristan," Kaoru stammered, hurrying over to the bathroom and turning on the shower.

"Really?" She got off the bed to introduce herself to the blond. "Hello," she said in English. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Nadine." She extended out her hand.

Tamaki shook her hand and smiled. He didn't prefer to speak English. "Uh, I'm Tamaki."

"Oh, you're the famous Tamaki?" This time, Nadine spoke in Japanese, and Tamaki followed suit.

"I didn't know that I was famous," he laughed.

"Maybe infamous, but it's great to finally meet you." She took him over to the couch and added, "Please take care of Kaoru."

"O-of course." Tamaki was admittedly caught off guard. "Is...is something wrong?"

"I'm afraid of what will happen if he doesn't take you back into his life. The things he's doing now, the people he's with...I don't know if the emotional or the physical will be the first to break him, but _something_ will."

"Are you talking about how he sleeps around? He's an adult, I can't stop him from what he's doing, and I won't try."

"Doesn't it bother you? He turned down twenty-three men and women who applied to be his apprentice. Then one day, Tristan walks in and Kaoru hires him before even seeing his work. Tristan looks _just_ like you. I honestly thought you were him when you walked in. Doesn't that bother you?"

Tamaki thought back to the workshop. _Is that who he was with, earlier?_ "Of course it bothers me," he mumbled.

"Then how can you let that slide? It'll really destroy him. Tristan is getting married, his love life is going nowhere—and Kaoru is the kind of man that _needs_ affection."

Tamaki bit his lip. "What should I do?"

"Marry me."

"C-come again?"

"It's perfect, isn't it? You have someone to show off as your wife, while you get to live happily ever after with Kaoru. Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

"Sure, that's I've always wanted. But, it's not what Kaoru wants, is it? He doesn't want to need to hide."

Nadine looked at him with surprise. "Are you willing to do that? Or can't you just take the easy way out?"

Tamaki shifted nervously. "I can't do what he wants. I can't."

"Then do what I'm telling you."

"I...I'll think about it."

* * *

><p>"I have to ask you something very important, Kaoru," Tamaki said seriously, once the waiter had taken their orders.<p>

"Y-yes?" Kaoru was nervous. He really didn't want to have to explain anything—he'd much rather pretend that the time when they were separated would just disappear.

"How the hell does your suit look so good? I watched you pull it out of your suitcase."

Kaoru laughed with relief. "I hung it up in the bathroom, and the steam from the shower presses the wrinkles out."

"That's a great trick."

"Yeah." Kaoru sipped his water.

"So...have you kept in touch with anyone from the Host Club?"

Kaoru's eyes widened in surprise. "You mean, you haven't?"

Tamaki shook his head sadly. "The last time I talked to anyone was at Hikaru and Haruhi's wedding."

"Well, they had a daughter together. Her name was Yumi." Kaoru smiled reminiscently. "When she was four, she—she was hit by a car, and...well, I guess neither of them could deal with their death. A year later, they divorced. I haven't kept in touch with Haruhi, but Hikaru remarried, and he's going to have his own set of twins. Girls."

"K-Kaoru, I...I can't believe it..."

"It's just the way life is, Tamaki. Hikaru is much happier now than I've ever seen him before, so..."

"What about Honey-senpai? Mori-senpai?"

"I speak to Honey pretty regularly, but I haven't spoken to Mori himself. Honey has five children, and they're all great at martial arts. And I heard that Mori's wife can't have children, but they have a foster child."

"Wow...I guess I've really missed a lot."

Kaoru shrugged. "It's not unusual for high school friendships to dissolve, really."

"I know. I just thought that maybe...we'd be different."

"...Tamaki, I...I'm sorry that you didn't get the life you imagined. I guess it's my fault." Kaoru looked away, feeling guilty. "You were going to ask out Haruhi, after all."

"Kaoru, look at me." Kaoru paused before looking up. "Kaoru, I want you to know that I don't regret that. I never have. Haruhi never loved me; she loved your brother. And honestly, looking back now, I didn't love her the way I thought I did. I certainly never loved her, or anyone, the way I loved you. The way I still do. So, please, don't think you did anything wrong."

Kaoru blushed and laughed. "I was in love with you, so I got you drunk enough to fuck me, and we managed to turn it into a ten-year-long relationship. Are you saying that's not wrong?"

Tamaki laughed. "I'm saying that the only part of my life I would ever change was when I let you walk away. Trying so hard to keep us a secret, trying so hard to hide, even when you had the courage to tell the world."

"If it makes you feel any better, I've never told them. Ever. Not Hikaru, not Honey, not Mori. If they know, then they figured it out."

"That wouldn't be impossible. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised. I always figured that Kyouya would see right through us."

_He did_, Kaoru thought. _That's half of why I'm in this mess._

"Speaking of Kyouya, how is he?" Tamaki asked.

Kaoru coughed nervously. "He just went through a divorce."

"Really? I didn't even know he'd married. That's too bad."

"Uh, yeah."

* * *

><p>"So, uhh..." Tamaki sat behind the wheel of his car, staring at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world.<p>

"So...?" Kaoru looked at him questioningly.

"So, I'm trying to think of the polite way to ask if I'm taking you back to your hotel, or to my apartment," Tamaki blurted out nervously.

_Say hotel,_ Kaoru begged himself, _you have to have to have to say hotel. _"I wouldn't be against going back to your place," Kaoru found his mouth saying. _Damn it!_

Tamaki blushed, a little surprised. "All right. Ha. Yeah, okay." He started up the car.

Kaoru fidgeted in his seat. "Tamaki, should we maybe...talk about it first?"

Tamaki licked his lips. His mouth felt dry, all of a sudden. "Nothing is really going to change my mind, at this point, honestly. I've waited too long for this chance."

"I understand that, but—I just need you to know that the only person I've ever truly, madly, deeply been in love with is you."

"Yeah, I get that—you want to stand with me on a mountain and stuff."

"Okay, Savage Garden references aside—I know you said that it doesn't bother you, but what you walked in on tonight—"

"Kaoru, I'm trying really hard to be graceful about all of this, okay? I don't want to hear about who you're fucking, or how many people—I don't care who was better and who was worse, and I especially don't want to know whether or not you've been able to fill the void I left in your life. Because honestly, I don't want to tell you about what I've done to try and feel better about you leaving me. I've never been able to fill that gap, to get rid of that pain—and honestly, I'm terrified that you got over me, and the only reason that you're coming back now is that _someone else_ made you feel empty again, and you think I can fix it. It's a very real fear of mine. So, let's just pretend that nothing ever happened—ever. Can we do that?"

Kaoru got very quiet. "Yes."

* * *

><p>"I guess I kind of made things too awkward back there, huh?" Tamaki's fingers fumbled with Kaoru's tie.<p>

"Did you really think it wasn't going to be awkward anyway?"

"You're right, if we're being honest."

Kaoru smiled coyly. "Do you need help with that?"

"It's just a tie. I can do that much." Kaoru loved seeing Tamaki flustered. It was a fun alternative to the prince he usually was. After trying for a few more seconds, Tamaki looked up at Kaoru, saying, "Why can't I at least get your tie off?"

Kaoru laughed, pulling the knot out himself. "If we're being honest, I'm really nervous."

"You? Nervous about sex? You've never been." Tamaki concentrated on removing his own clothing. "It's been a good while since I've had sex...not counting the time I got drunk with you."

Kaoru blushed. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault. Either way, I'm afraid I won't be able to please you. All I can think about is...that you've been with a lot of other people. I want to be better than all of them."

"Y-You are." Kaoru felt overwhelmingly guilty. "I normally don't give a damn what it's like, but with you...I care what you think. There's nothing casual about it."

Tamaki, wearing only his pants, moved closer to the redhead, pressing his lips to his neck. "You don't need to do anything but be you. That's all I need."

Kaoru let his shirt fall to the floor and lay back on the bed. "I feel the same way. _You_ please me."

"Good," Tamaki breathed, his hands working at Kaoru's belt much more dexterously than they had at his tie. In one motion, he slid off Kaoru's pants and underwear and threw them to the side. "You're just as beautiful as I remember."

Kaoru reached up, holding Tamaki's arms right above the elbows. "Let's not talk anymore. Let's just feel."

Tamaki nodded in agreement, starting to remove his own pants. As Kaoru watched him, he started to stroke his member. _Why did I ever decide to leave you_, Kaoru thought. _I thought I was doing the right thing, but all I did was muck it up._ Tamaki kicked his pants off and situated himself between Kaoru's legs, leaning over to kiss him, pressing their chests together.

Kaoru stopped touching himself and touched Tamaki instead, first pressing his thumb against the head. He relished the soft moan that the blond let out, and dragged his hand up and down the shaft, pressing on the vein along the bottom. He wrapped his other arm around Tamaki's shoulders, pulling him close. They kissed feverishly, their teeth accidentally clacking together as the eagerly searched each other's mouths with their tongues.

A thin strand of saliva still connected their lips when they separated. Tamaki moved down and spread Kaoru's legs farther apart. Kaoru arched his back and moaned as Tamaki took hold of his manhood and flicked his tongue out to taste the precum that accumulated on the tip. The redhead had to resist bucking his hips when the elder sucked gently at the head, then took more into his mouth.

"Tamaki..." Kaoru threaded his fingers through his lover's silky yellow hair. Tamaki hummed around his length, bobbing his head up and down. Then he released the cock from his mouth and licked down further, lifting up Kaoru's hips to reach the hidden pink pucker. Kaoru moaned and curled his toes in pleasure at the feeling of Tamaki's slick tongue and fingers prodding his rim. "Ta-ah—Tamaki," he breathed, "it's _so _good."

Tamaki smiled proudly to himself, pushing a finger past the tight ring of muscle. He sat up and wriggled the finger inside of the younger man, who arched his back again and mewled. The sounds Kaoru made sent fire through Tamaki's lower abdomen. "Kaoru," he whispered, leaning over and taking one of Kaoru's nipples into his mouth. He rubbed at the redhead's entrance with a second finger, coaxing it inside. Kaoru spread his legs wider, pushing back on Tamaki's fingers wantonly. Tamaki curled and scissored his fingers, stretching the passage open.

Kaoru groaned and dug his nails into Tamaki's shoulder. "It h-hurts," he panted. "...not wet enough."

"Sorry," Tamaki muttered, pulling the fingers out and reaching over to his nightstand, fumbling around for some proper lubricant. He found it after a moment, and squeezed a little onto his fingers before reinserting them. He wrapped his hand around Kaoru's length and brought it up and down, using his thumb to smear the precum that slipped out over the tip.

"Much better," Kaoru said, reaching for the bottle of lube. He squeezed a little into his palm and rubbed it onto Tamaki's erection, making sure it was slick. Tamaki bit back a moan and pushed a third finger inside. He pressed his fingers as hard as he could against Kaoru's prostate, earning a grateful moan from the younger man. "I need it, Tamaki! Fuck me, please," Kaoru sobbed.

Tamaki's breath hitched and he pulled the fingers back out after a few seconds, trying to make the entrance as ready as possible. He grabbed Kaoru's hips roughly and pressed his tip to his rim. "Are you sure you're ready?" Kaoru nodded feverishly. Tamaki took a breath in and pushed his cock in, as far as it would go.

"Nngh—Tamaki!" Kaoru clutched Tamaki's shoulders desperately.

"Does it hurt?" Tamaki panted, trying to restrain himself.

"N-no," Kaoru moaned. "You're the only one who fits this well inside of me."

Tamaki trembled with pleasure. "You're so tight," he sighed, pulling almost all the way out and pushing back in slowly. Kaoru groaned, bringing their bodies closer until they were flush with each other, fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces. Tamaki stayed at a steady rhythm at first, then sped up with encouragement from Kaoru. The room was filled with slick, obscene sounds, with panting and moaning, with the knocking sound of the bed against the wall.

"Fuck, Tamaki—harder! Oh!" Kaoru pressed his body as hard as he could against the blond's.

"Mm, Kaoru, wait—not too much," Tamaki groaned. "I don't wanna cum yet."

Kaoru whimpered, begging for more. "Touch me," he whined, digging his nails into Tamaki's back. Tamaki obeyed the command, wrapping his hand once more around Kaoru's penis and stroking it in time with his thrusts. Kaoru moaned loudly with each thrust Tamaki angled against his prostate. His throat was getting raw from screaming, but he didn't care. One of his arms slipped off of Tamaki's shoulders and he gripped the sheets tightly as he rolled his hips up to meet Tamaki's thrusts. "Tamaki, I'm—ah! I'm going to cum!"

"K-Kaoru," Tamaki moaned, thrusting even harder than before. Cum shot out of Kaoru's cock onto Tamaki's hand and stomach as he climaxed, screaming in pleasure. Kaoru's body tightened pleasantly around Tamaki's member and he came forcefully inside of the hot, wet passage, biting his lip to hold back from screaming. He rode out his climax, pushing himself in and out of his lover until he couldn't move anymore.

Kaoru's body still shook with the after-effects of his orgasm as he wrapped his arms back around Tamaki, who pulled out and fell on top of Kaoru, exhausted. "T-Tamaki," Kaoru breathed, "that was amazing."

"Yeah," Tamaki mumbled tiredly.

"Hey, Tamaki?"

"Hm?" He didn't have the energy to form words anymore.

"I love you."

"You too."

They fell asleep in a warm, messy tangle of limbs, feeling happy and satisfied.


	7. About Last Night

**Thank you for supporting me through my hiatus!**

* * *

><p><strong>Remember Me<strong>

**Chapter Seven — About Last Night**

Tamaki Suoh had woken up to a cold bed almost every day for the last ten years.

This day was no different.

He groaned as he rolled over to the other side, where Kaoru's scent still clung to the pillows and sheets. He remembered exactly the way it felt to hold the redhead, and to be held by him in that very spot the night before. He sat up, the chill in the air assaulting his bare flesh, and stared out the open window, hoping it would magically close on its own. The sky outside was grey, and the glass was dotted with rain.

Tamaki lazily made his way over to the window to close it, and on the sill was a yellow sticky note: '_Good morning, Tamaki. I had to leave early. Sorry! Please take a shower. I picked out an outfit for you._' Drawing of a tiny heart. '_Kaoru_.' He smiled. That was classically Kaoru.

Tamaki had found little notes everywhere for the rest of the morning. One on the fridge: '_I made you breakfast, heat it up.'_ On the mirror, '_Just reminding you how handsome you are.'_ Before he left the house, he saw, '_Don't forget to make your bed.'_

"When do I ever make my bed, Kaoru," he laughed out loud. These were the things they used to do when they were young. He sighed and looked back at the lonely apartment before leaving. _Maybe everything really can be the same again._

* * *

><p>"Tamaki-san!" Nadine flashed him that winning smile. Kaoru always kept the most gorgeous company—which was painfully awkward, because despite the fact that Kaoru was the love of his life, Tamaki <em>did <em>still enjoy the company of a woman. "I saved you a seat."

"Your Japanese is very good," Tamaki said, sitting beside her.

"It should be—I've lived there for a very long time."

"Oh, really? I'd love to hear about it."

She giggled and put her finger to her lips. "Later. The show is starting."

"Please welcome our first designer, Kaoru Hitachiin!" The announcer walked off as Kaoru took the stage with a smile.

"Hello, everyone, and thank you for coming to this year's Menswear Special. This is the first line for men I've done in a few years, and the concept is…"

Tamaki wasn't really listening. He was watching—watching how Kaoru commanded the stage, how the audience watched him intently, drinking in his charisma. He remembered Kaoru's first show.

"_And here's our next designer, Kaoru Hitachiin!" It was fashion week in New York, and Tamaki's stomach lurched. Kaoru had been a nervous wreck up to this moment, and he was so terrified of watching his lover flubbing it up all over the stage that he almost left—almost. Kaoru walked down the runway fluidly, with that winning smile, and Tamaki's heart stopped. He couldn't breathe._

"_Good afternoon, and welcome to Mercedes-Benz fashion week!" The crowd clapped. Kaoru gave a short, light laugh, like it was the most fun he'd ever had. "I'm Kaoru Hitachiin, and this is my debut collection. It's inspired by…"_

_Tamaki sighed in relief and slouched back into his chair, earning him some questioning glances from the people around him. But he didn't care. He was so happy that Kaoru was nailing it, but the stress had nearly killed him._

This was obviously not the same man. The young Kaoru energized the air with his enthusiasm and his passion. This Kaoru's command came from his fame. From years of engaging a crowd. There was no real energy. The crowd was amped up just to see him—they created their own excitement.

"Enjoy the show!" Kaoru smiled and waved, just going through the motions. As he turned around and the music started to play, the smile dropped from his face. He was tired already. He just wanted to go home, get drunk, and fall asleep.

The after party basically granted him just that.

* * *

><p>Kaoru's show had ended, and a couple designers later, when Tamaki and Nadine finally had a chance to get away, they stopped at a nearby cafe. "Should we go meet up with Kaoru now?" Tamaki asked, putting his hands in his pockets.<p>

Nadine smiled and put her hand on his shoulder as if she were flirting with him. "He's probably still working. There's time for that later. Right now, I want to talk to you."

"About last night?"

She nodded. "Come sit with me." She led him over to a table and Tamaki, ever the gentleman, pulled out her chair for her and sat once she was comfortable. Nadine smiled brightly and flipped her hair over her shoulder before resting her head in her hand. "You're very sweet."

Tamaki chuckled. "Once a host, always a host."

Nadine put her hand to her mouth in a playful show of surprise. "Mr. Suoh, how scandalous!" She put her hand on his forearm. "Is that really information you want to make known?"

"Oh, it was only something we did for fun in high school," he smiled. "There was nothing scandalous about it! Just too many rich kids with too much time on their hands."

"That sounds exciting! Tell me all about it."

* * *

><p>Kaoru was upset. The day's events had ended hours ago, but Tamaki wasn't around when they started drinking backstage, he didn't come up when they'd moved to the workshop, and he hadn't shown up at the club. At least, Nadine should have been there. But neither of them had showed up, and so, Kaoru wasn't taking it easy on the drinks.<p>

He also wasn't taking it easy on the flirting.

But, with a glass of wine in one hand and cute models on either side, it was much easier to forget the fact that the man he loved was not celebrating with him. He couldn't be blamed for shamelessly flirting, or for letting the boys get away with groping him (just a little), or even for kissing (as long as it wasn't on the lips, of course), because Tamaki hadn't even bothered to show up, despite making all those excuses to get together. It was frustrating, and it made him feel more confused and lonely than before.

And while most of the flirting and the kissing and the touching going on in the room was all in good fun, one of the models seemed determined to take Kaoru home, or at the very least, to the bathroom. Out of respect for Tamaki, he'd turned the very friendly German down a few times, but he was well past drunk, and the later it got, the easier it was to justify giving in. What was the point? If he was just going to go back home to Kyoya anyway, he should have fun while he could.

"Hitachiin," one of the guys said—and Kaoru had known and worked with him for a couple years, but he just couldn't remember his name—"he's coming over here again. The one who's been sending you drinks all night." The boys chuckled at how cute at sweet it was, his failed attempts at getting to Kaoru, but the redhead had made his mind up.

"Hello again," he said loudly over the music as the dark-haired man approached. "I'm sorry, but could you tell me your name again, sweetheart?"

"It's Jens." He had to be a new model. He still had his youth and innocence about him, but that would go away soon enough.

Kaoru smiled. "Why don't you sit here with me, Jens?" He patted the shoulder of the man whose name he couldn't remember. "I'm sure we can make room." The man looked at Kaoru quizzically before standing up and saying something about getting more drinks.

Jens sat beside Kaoru with a wide smile. "Thank you, Mr. Hitachiin. It's an honor. I'm just so captivated by your work."

Kaoru leaned in close. "Oh? Just my work?" He put a hand on the other man's thigh.

Jens laughed nervously. "Well of course, I'm even more enamored with the man who makes such art. Meeting you is like a dream. I've always wanted to work with you."

"I'd love to see what you can do. If maybe, there's somewhere more private we could go?"

"It would be my pleasure to invite you to my home, Mr. Hitachiin."

* * *

><p>"Kaoru?"<p>

Kaoru groaned. He didn't want to open his eyes or move. He was much too comfortable. "Hm," he grunted in response.

"Kaoru, I think your phone is ringing?" The bed moved, he heard footsteps… Kaoru rolled over, trying to remember the night before. He remembered who he went home with, but not much else after that. "It stopped. It says the call was from...Na-deen-uh?"

Kaoru moaned again, reaching his arm out for the phone, but not opening his eyes. He was so hungover, it wasn't funny. "Give me."

Jens placed the phone in his hand and moved around the room. "I'll bring you some water."

Kaoru opened his eyes slowly. He had tons of missed calls and messages from Nadine, and a few from Tamaki. He didn't bother opening any of them though. He knew what it was. 'Sorry we didn't make it.' 'Where are you?' 'You didn't come home, are you okay?' 'Just checking in, I haven't heard from you.' No, he really didn't want to deal with that.

Jens returned with a glass and sat beside Kaoru, putting his hand on his back gently. "Here. Do you need anything else? Do you want some breakfast?"

Kaoru took the glass with a weak smile. "No, thank you. I have to get going soon."

Jens stroked his bare back gently. "Are you sure? I don't mind if you stay."

Kaoru thought about it for a moment with a smile. "I'm sure I can stay a little while longer."

* * *

><p>"He's not answering. I don't know what to do."<p>

Tamaki didn't look up from his paper. "Just try again later. He always sleeps in late, so it's fine."

Nadine put the phone down and went to the window, opening the curtains to let in some light. "I'm just worried that he's upset we were late, or if he even knows we went to the club to see him."

"C-come away from the window," Tamaki blushed. "It won't be good for my reputation if people see you in my window wearing that sexy negligee."

Nadine laughed. "My dear, you have to have faith in my ability to work the social scene. Don't think of it as me tearing down your current reputation, but building up a new one." She went back over to the kitchen and sipped from her coffee, sitting across from Tamaki. "It will be worth it when you can have Kaoru back, right?"

"You're right," Tamaki sighed, putting his newspaper down. "Look, don't worry about whether he's upset or not. If he went back to his room and called it a night, then he was probably just tired or not feeling well. He'll call us back when he's woken up and had a shower." He smiled and held her hand. "He'll understand."

Nadine smiled back, but felt guilty. They'd showed up for the party at the club, but when she asked some friends of Kaoru's she recognized, they all said the same thing: he was very drunk, he got handsy with a model, and they left together. Instead, she told Tamaki that Kaoru had told his companions that he wanted to turn in early and went back to the hotel. She didn't feel like Tamaki needed to know otherwise. "I'm sure he will."

* * *

><p>Jens watched from the bed as Kaoru zipped up his pants. "You know, some of the other boys talk about you, saying how great you are, but...I mean, they didn't do it justice. I mean, you're…"<p>

Kaoru searched around for his shirt. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," he said with a smile.

"A-and you? What...what did you think?"

"Oh, sweetie," Kaoru cooed, climbing onto the bed and pulling on his shoe. He pressed a kiss to Jens's cheek. "I had a lot of fun."

"Great," Jens beamed. "So you'll...you'll consider me?"

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

Jens put his hand on Kaoru's arm. "Next time you need a male model. You'll ask me, won't you, Kaoru?" He moved his hand down to Kaoru's hip and nuzzled his neck. "And we can always spend more time together after the job."

Kaoru's breath caught in his throat. "Of course I will," he said, pushing him away with a fake smile. He suddenly felt nauseous. "But you know, you'll have to go back to calling me Mr. Hitachiin."

Jens groped the older man one last time. "Anything you want, Mr. Hitachiin."

* * *

><p>Kaoru sighed and flopped on the bed of his hotel room after finding it unexpectedly empty. He was still bitter about Tamaki and Nadine bailing on him, he was upset about his decision to sleep with Jens, and now he was irritated that he had no one with which to complain about his problems. Not to mention that he felt sore all over. Sometimes he just didn't think about the repercussions of having sex. At least he was able to take a shower and change, but everything still sucked. Reluctantly, he called Nadine. She'd reached out to him earlier, and it was his own fault for not answering, which was why he was there, alone.<p>

"Tamaki, it's Kaoru," Nadine called, gesturing for him to come over as she leaned on the kitchen counter and pressed the button to answer the call. "Hello?"

"Hi, Nadine," Kaoru sighed again. "Sorry I didn't pick up this morning. I was just so tired from last night; these young guys really know how to wear me out sometimes—"

"Oh, Kaoru, it's fine!" Nadine interjected brightly. She had the phone on speaker and she didn't want Tamaki hearing about whatever he'd done the night before. "We're just glad you're okay."

"We? Oh, are you with Tamaki?" He rolled over onto his stomach and smiled faintly. "Hi, Tamaki."

"Hi, Kaoru," the blond responded, standing next to Nadine. "Did they tell you? We stopped by at the club last night to see you, but they said you'd already left. I'm really sorry if we disappointed you."

Kaoru blushed. "O-oh, it's okay." _Does that mean he knows I went home with someone?_ "I'm sure you guys had a good reason."

"We do!" Nadine said. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Why don't you come down here and meet us so we can talk? I'd rather do it in person than over the phone."

Kaoru nodded, although it didn't matter. "Yeah, okay. Where are you guys?"

"We're back at my apartment," Tamaki replied.

Kaoru's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Okay, I'll take the next train out. I'll let you know when I'm almost there." He hung up the phone and immediately started a search for a ticket as he ran around the room, packing up his and Nadine's things. The only good reason he could think of for them going back to France together was that the plan was moving forward, but he didn't like that they hadn't told him outright, and that they chose _that_ night on which to do it. But in the end, it would be worth it.

_If I make it to the train station for the very next train, I'll get there a little after 10 tonight,_ he started typing. _Or else it will be more like 10:45. I'll let you know_. He sent the text and checked the time. He was cutting it close, but he really hoped to make the earlier train, rushing out of the room excitedly with their bags. If what he thought was happening was happening, then...then he'd finally be free.

* * *

><p>Kyoya was never pleased when Kaoru went away, but it was a necessary part of his job, and he understood it. He also understood that maybe Kaoru wasn't always faithful on his business trips, but he'd gotten used to that over the years too. He never had the energy to try and reign the man in because he didn't see the point. He could fool around if he wanted to, because in the end he always came home and slept with Kyoya, and as long as he kept coming home, Kyoya couldn't care less what happened in other countries.<p>

Except for when that country was France and that person was Tamaki. When that was the case, there was a real concern that Kaoru might _not_ come home, and it tore the dark-haired man up from the inside out. He was always a wreck when Kaoru visited France. He knew that the redhead always made a point to check in on Tamaki, whether Tamaki knew it or not. But even still, Kaoru had come home. Even after the last month, when his Kaoru _fucked_ the man who had once been his best friend, his Kaoru still came home and went to bed with _him._ And although Kyoya had punished him for it, he was happy that he was still home for the younger man.

So, when Kaoru left for Germany with Nadine for the express purpose of meeting Tamaki—because Kyoya was not stupid, and he knew that it would be the blond himself and not some representative—he was not at all happy about it. But a business deal was a business deal, and Kyoya was fond of those. And despite his gross uneasiness toward the situation, Kaoru was always honest about his trysts, albeit reluctantly, whenever Kyoya asked about them. When he asked Kaoru not to let Tamaki's dirty paws come anywhere near him, he had expected compliance. He had no reason to expect otherwise.

Until he received a phone call a few days after his lover's departure.

"Ootori-sama, I understand that you have not made the news of your divorce public," said the voice on the phone.

"That is correct."

"I'm calling to inform you that your ex-wife was seen around Germany with a man, in a...more than platonic capacity. Sir, if we don't get ahead of the media on this, it may mean terrible things for your reputation."

Kyoya sighed. _Of course that harlot would already be on someone's arm. _"I understand. Do what you must, _after_ I call my father." That wasn't a call he looked forward to in the least.

"Sir? I should also tell you that we've identified the man as Tamaki Suoh. Being that you two were once close friends, I'd like to ask if you were the one who introduced them."

Kyoya's blood ran cold. No, in fact, he had not introduced them. He and Tamaki had quickly grown apart after graduation—blame it on the stress and busy lifestyle that comes from being groomed to take over a company—but once had completely cut off contact with the man after he started dating Kaoru. "Not to my knowledge," he answered darkly, "although she was my wife—they may have met once or twice at an event." But that was speculation. The last time he remembered seeing Tamaki in person was at Hikaru and Haruhi's wedding—the last time he'd seen any of the Host Club members, in fact, and he wasn't married to Nadine yet. He was still having secret one-night stands with men at that point.

"You three are all quite well-known in your respective circles, and due to the nature of your past relationships, I fear this might quickly become a scandal."

Kyoya balled his hand into a fist. "As I said, do what you must. I will call my father immediately. _And he will not hear of this from someone other than myself._"

"I understand." He hung up and hurled the phone across the room with an angry growl. This was no coincidence. This had to do with Kaoru, and he wasn't about to let it happen. After a short tantrum in which he broke several dishes while screaming and calling for the maid to clean it up, he went to his study. His father could wait; he honestly didn't care about that. Instead, he booked a ticket for the next flight to Berlin and headed straight to the airport. He was going to bring Kaoru _home_.


End file.
